A Pause and a Call

In a season over-filled with theological writing, the irony does not escape me that I have completely ignored my "God-blog."

Regardless, this year has been one of the best seasons of my life.  I entered Luther Seminary in the fall and have been entranced as a candidate for ordination in the ELCA.  I'm headed for ordination somewhere around 2020 or 2021, depending on internship.

I have now spent time in classes with people whose theological writings I've been reading for years -- Steven Paulson, Lois Malcolm -- and have had my mind exploded with original Greek and incredible postmodern theologians like David Frederickson.

Even better, I have found pastoral ministry, even at the small levels I'm able to provide while still in school, to be the "why" of my life -- it always has been, for children, youth, my students -- but making it more purposeful is pretty incredible.

I've also been reminded of how very much I love academia -- and how competitive I am at it, but that's just some side enjoyment!

I have spent my adult life in ministry of one form or another -- but there is a why this, why now? question even so.  Really, getting to candidacy has been a 25 year journey, ever since God became real to me when I was a choir conductor at Trinity Lutheran in Lewiston Idaho.  I have served in music ministry, youth and children's ministry, as a study and small group leader, and have always been eager to share the difference in my life because of the love of Jesus Christ.

Seven years ago, I reached the biggest crossroad since conversion.  My Pastor at Christ Lutheran Visalia, Brian Malison, asked me to be part of the preaching team that would cover for him while he was on sabbatical.  I barely let him finish saying “think about it and let me know” before I almost shouted “YES.”  I actually do not have a remarkable memory for events, which has been more of a blessing than a curse in my life, but that conversation is etched in stone – outside, in between the sanctuary and the Christian Life Center, three minutes that wildly altered my life.  No other activity has ever brought me the deep joy that preaching does.  Nothing could have prepared me for the amount of love I would develop for this congregation through it. 

Last summer Pastor Brian the Catalyst stepped in again and asked me if I’d consider being part of the presiding ministry team.   This time I actually agreed to talk to Lim about it since it would take me off praise band those weeks – but I couldn’t restrain myself past the other side of worship that day. 

When I served communion to members of the congregation a few weeks later it was as if God reached in through my back, grabbed my heart, started shaking it, and didn’t stop.  I don’t know how I made it through work and life the rest of that day and week.  I didn’t sleep for several days.  I have always read theology for fun, but it was more like I was starving for it.  I sat up at night and read for I don’t know how many days straight and then, when I doubtless had crazy eyes and knew I was in a lot of trouble, called Brian and asked to meet.  He was supposed to talk me out of the next step.  He didn’t.  But I can sleep again.  At least I think I could, if I didn’t have so much seminary work to do!

In all of this God is incredibly real to me in a million different ways.  And ever since I lost the final argument, it is as if I have finally woken up.  I am seeing theology in everything around me, God’s beloved creation in people that used to annoy the living daylights out of me, and new meaning to everything I have always loved in worship. 

 

Entering into some pastoral care situations has also brought God’s broken outpouring love for God’s people home to me in a myriad of different ways.  Sometimes I see people, hear their stories, and think that only God could be the reason any restoration is possible and I am profoundly moved to even be able to witness it. 

I don’t have any idea what direction God is leading me in next, but I am grateful for the ways God has opened up ministry opportunities to me – at CLC particularly, as I deeply love my church and congregation, but also still using music as a springboard for ministry and reconciliation both in my professional life and with other Luther students; and at St. James in Hanford right now as well, where I have a strange but God-given shift from learner to leader as I provide pulpit support for this church without a pastor.  

Next week I head back to St. Paul and to Luther for June intensives -- and to continue to question and challenge and discover how the uniqueness of ELCA Lutheran Christianity is relevant and important to the world we now live in.  I deeply believe that what we have to offer is desperately needed in the Postmodern world and I am determined to spend the rest of my life bringing the real Gospel to as many people as I can.