Reconciliation Ministry

 Closest to my heart... 
Reconciliation Ministry at Christ Lutheran

This next week begins the second trip through a four week Reconciliation/ Discussion Group for LGBTQ+ community, allies, and members of Christ Lutheran Church.  


This ministry is so close to my heart, and the "beta test" during Lent was an incredible experience -- for me, for hosts from CLC, and, I hope and think, for participants as well -- individuals invited to name their hurt and begin to reshape their stories into healing and forgiveness -- understanding their deep worth to God their Creator and the grace of Jesus Christ as well as we can show it.  




Reconciliation Ministry Goals:

First, to inform members of the LGBTQ+ community in our area that Christ Lutheran is a safe place where they have a free and open space to explore their spiritual identity and their relationship with Jesus Christ and what that means for them.

Second, to begin a healing and restorative dialogue which begins to restore the reputation of the church within the LGBTQ+ community and begins to address and atone for the pain, rejection, and psychological damage that has been done to members of the LGBTQ+ community in the name of Christ. 

 Reconciliation Ministry Vision:

Acknowledging that the Christian church has a lot to answer for, by perpetration or by silence, to bring members of the LGBTQ+ community , allies, and members of CLC together in a healing, controlled atmosphere where they can share food and LGBTQ+ community members can safely tell stories.  Using food, storytelling, art, “survivor mantras,” corrective theology Q & A time, and other activities in a four-week group, to bring broken and damaged people into an awareness of their acceptance by Jesus Christ and this community of faith, and, when desired,, to enfold them into the larger loving community of the congregation.

Please message me if you have any questions... or would like to participate in an upcoming group!

cforgey001@luthersem.edu

A Pause and a Call

In a season over-filled with theological writing, the irony does not escape me that I have completely ignored my "God-blog."

Regardless, this year has been one of the best seasons of my life.  I entered Luther Seminary in the fall and have been entranced as a candidate for ordination in the ELCA.  I'm headed for ordination somewhere around 2020 or 2021, depending on internship.

I have now spent time in classes with people whose theological writings I've been reading for years -- Steven Paulson, Lois Malcolm -- and have had my mind exploded with original Greek and incredible postmodern theologians like David Frederickson.

Even better, I have found pastoral ministry, even at the small levels I'm able to provide while still in school, to be the "why" of my life -- it always has been, for children, youth, my students -- but making it more purposeful is pretty incredible.

I've also been reminded of how very much I love academia -- and how competitive I am at it, but that's just some side enjoyment!

I have spent my adult life in ministry of one form or another -- but there is a why this, why now? question even so.  Really, getting to candidacy has been a 25 year journey, ever since God became real to me when I was a choir conductor at Trinity Lutheran in Lewiston Idaho.  I have served in music ministry, youth and children's ministry, as a study and small group leader, and have always been eager to share the difference in my life because of the love of Jesus Christ.

Seven years ago, I reached the biggest crossroad since conversion.  My Pastor at Christ Lutheran Visalia, Brian Malison, asked me to be part of the preaching team that would cover for him while he was on sabbatical.  I barely let him finish saying “think about it and let me know” before I almost shouted “YES.”  I actually do not have a remarkable memory for events, which has been more of a blessing than a curse in my life, but that conversation is etched in stone – outside, in between the sanctuary and the Christian Life Center, three minutes that wildly altered my life.  No other activity has ever brought me the deep joy that preaching does.  Nothing could have prepared me for the amount of love I would develop for this congregation through it. 

Last summer Pastor Brian the Catalyst stepped in again and asked me if I’d consider being part of the presiding ministry team.   This time I actually agreed to talk to Lim about it since it would take me off praise band those weeks – but I couldn’t restrain myself past the other side of worship that day. 

When I served communion to members of the congregation a few weeks later it was as if God reached in through my back, grabbed my heart, started shaking it, and didn’t stop.  I don’t know how I made it through work and life the rest of that day and week.  I didn’t sleep for several days.  I have always read theology for fun, but it was more like I was starving for it.  I sat up at night and read for I don’t know how many days straight and then, when I doubtless had crazy eyes and knew I was in a lot of trouble, called Brian and asked to meet.  He was supposed to talk me out of the next step.  He didn’t.  But I can sleep again.  At least I think I could, if I didn’t have so much seminary work to do!

In all of this God is incredibly real to me in a million different ways.  And ever since I lost the final argument, it is as if I have finally woken up.  I am seeing theology in everything around me, God’s beloved creation in people that used to annoy the living daylights out of me, and new meaning to everything I have always loved in worship. 

 

Entering into some pastoral care situations has also brought God’s broken outpouring love for God’s people home to me in a myriad of different ways.  Sometimes I see people, hear their stories, and think that only God could be the reason any restoration is possible and I am profoundly moved to even be able to witness it. 

I don’t have any idea what direction God is leading me in next, but I am grateful for the ways God has opened up ministry opportunities to me – at CLC particularly, as I deeply love my church and congregation, but also still using music as a springboard for ministry and reconciliation both in my professional life and with other Luther students; and at St. James in Hanford right now as well, where I have a strange but God-given shift from learner to leader as I provide pulpit support for this church without a pastor.  

Next week I head back to St. Paul and to Luther for June intensives -- and to continue to question and challenge and discover how the uniqueness of ELCA Lutheran Christianity is relevant and important to the world we now live in.  I deeply believe that what we have to offer is desperately needed in the Postmodern world and I am determined to spend the rest of my life bringing the real Gospel to as many people as I can.

Communicating from the H.E.A.R.T.

It’s easy to see when people aren’t good communicators, isn’t it? 

I see it every day – I see a person presenting things badly, not listening well, hurting people’s feelings with a careless word and not even knowing it, asking questions in a way that makes people feel attacked and defensive, setting off teenagers – sometimes even on purpose!, and generally not communicating how much I love the people I care most about, and it breaks my own heart as I do it.

When I preached on this subject at CLC, I asked if someone more qualified to preach on this topic wanted to come up and take my place -- there were no takers!  Disappointing...

 Well, accepting the irony of preaching on something I’m not very good at, at some levels all I had to do is look seriously at my failures and see what the opposite would be, and look to Jesus as a guide for real communication that is loving yet serious.

Today’s conversation is all about context.  Jesus’ communication with the Pharisees when he calls them a brood of vipers is in the moment – and it is important to say that this passage is to THEM and not necessarily to us.  Jesus is calling out people that are duplicit, trying to convict him, and will eventually have him killed.  I don’t think we usually fall into that category. 

However, what he says about the words we say speaking about our internal condition is extremely valid for all of us.  Not only in minding what comes out of our own mouths but understanding that what comes out of others’ can sometimes come from deep-seated hurt or brokenness that we know nothing about.  The take-away is that words are important.  They can wound, they can heal – and how we use our words with others is something that we can work on as a spiritual discipline in any stage of our lives.

It also needs to be said that everything I’m about to talk about is in a context of relationship – We’re not God, we do not have the ability to form deep relationships with every person we interact with.  That would be kind of creepy, wouldn’t it?  Friendliness, politeness, and compassion with the Starbucks cashier is important – but not transparency.  Full availability for an acquaintance we just met might be noble and something some people have a ministry for – but if it over commits us or fractures our committed family relationships then it is not a noble thing, it is a mistake. 

SO, all disclaimers finished now, let’s communicate about communicating from the HEART!

I love memory games, and this topic almost begged for one, so let’s use the letters in the word HEART to frame some thoughts –

H – be Honest
E – be Early
A – be Available
R – take a Risk
T – be Transcendant

So what do these mean to us as we try to bring Christ into our communication?

First, be honest – this is easy and straightforward, right?  Probably not.  Maybe, instead, it’s an idea filled with potholes and traps.

Honesty can be painful but important – maybe bringing up something difficult for the good of the other person or the relationship… “mom, I think you’re addicted to prescription pain-killers…”  “I’m your friend, you need to work on your marriage…” or “You need to stop partying and get your grades up.”

These are difficult things to be honest about – but come from the right heart-set.  At other times “honesty” is a smokescreen for intentional cruelty.  Unkindness is just that, not ennobled just because it may be true. 

But most importantly, from the standpoint of attempting Christ-centered communication, is honesty with self.  We need to ask, “am I honestly dealing with the person I am communicating with, or am I dealing with a problem of my own that I am projecting on them?” 

About 15 years ago (and we arrived here about 12 ago, so don’t even wonder…) Lim received a 3 page letter from a bell choir member who had turned up a few minutes late and was convinced from the not-unfriendly glance Lim gave her mid-song as she came in the door that he despised her, wanted her to quit bells, and a host of other feelings that she was projecting on to him using nothing but assumptions and psychic powers that she didn’t have.  Three pages! 

It seems an out-there case, admittedly – and I have to note that when Lim replied with little more than “I didn’t care that you were late,” all was well again – but how often do we make assumptions about how others are feeling about us or about a situation and address that assumption rather than honestly assessing the situation?

Honesty means willing to say hard truths and willing to admit hard truths about ourselves. 

Idea number 2  -- be EARLY. 

When communication needs to happen in any relationship, do it sooner rather than later.  Easy to say that this is important, and for me, incredibly difficult to execute.  My best failures at communicating have generally been instances where I felt something was wrong and I let it lie, hoping it would get better on its own – whether this has been from misplaced “nice-ness,” which plagues many Christians, or simply from an embarrassing lack of courage, letting things fester is never a good thing. 

Why?  Bad situations don’t tend to get better on their own, really, do they?  And when we feel taken advantage of or mistreated somehow it is important to speak up while you can do so calmly instead of in a festered, infected explosion. 

There is another side of this also, when things that need to be said are positive – “I love you,” “You are important to me,” “I forgive you.” 

Don’t force others to be psychic – say it.  Say it now.  We all have been around long enough to know that opportunities can tragically pass. 

Idea number 3 – be AVAILABLE. 

Don’t these all seem to be no-brainers that are difficult to execute?  The absolute fact that our relationships are more important than anything else in the world is somehow difficult to remember when I’m talking to my daughter and 4, no, wait, 5 text messages pop up on my phone. 

Take time to be present for people you are in relationship with.  Not on your phone.  Not watching TV.  Not making the other person feel that they are less of a priority.

Don’t mentally multitask or interrupt, even if you think you’ve figured out what they are saying.

Do you remember how riveting a person is when you first fall in love, or when you first are getting to know a new friend that you really really like?  How do you listen to that person?  It’s not difficult in those situations to be actively loving and listening.

It’s hard to listen as actively and as attentively when you are with someone you are used to – and much more difficult if it is someone you are in conflict with. 

But doesn’t it feel wonderful to be with someone who is interested in what you have to say?  What a gift we can give to people we love, even when they are being hard to love, to truly listen to them, value what they are thinking and feeling, and thereby show how much we value them.

Idea number 4 – take a RISK.

To truly communicate with people we are in relationship with, we need to be willing to take some heavy risks.  First is the risk of being transparent – revealing things to others is a dangerous business.  And I would quote Christ, though the context is different – “be wise as serpents, and innocent as doves…”

Revealing things about ourselves is important.  But we need to understand that those revelations can change a relationship.  Secrets burden and ultimately destroy us unless we can trust someone enough to bare our soul.  We risk ridicule, rejection, and even gossip and public problems when we are transparent and vulnerable in our relationships.  But it is worth the risk. 

What about the other side of the conversation, if something difficult needs to be said to another person?  We risk anger, recriminations, and defensiveness.  They may say things about us that are difficult to hear, they may be wrong things said to lash out – but they may be right.  We need to be willing to hear the hard things if we are willing to say them. 

When we communicate honestly we risk failure.  Perhaps if you ask someone to treat you differently they will refuse.  Perhaps the relationship will be forever changed or even dissolved.  These things happen in human relationships.  We are broken.

Which is why we desperately need to maintain an awareness of the last idea –

Be TRANSCENDANT.

There is always something bigger going on when we communicate in love.  God is relationship.  God cared so much about communicating with us that he took on human-ness to do it.  Jesus is the WORD of GOD!  The ultimate communication! 

When we communicate with another person, we are communicating not only with someone that Jesus loves desperately but also with Christ himself as he in-dwells other human beings.  How would our communication change if we maintained an awareness of this?

Would we be more willing to transcend the communication of the moment?  Would we be more willing to move on?  To forgive?  To let go of any hard things that were said and continue to love even those that are hard to love?  More willing even to fail and understand that sometimes relationships cannot be saved or salvaged regardless of our efforts, and that God is still God?

Communication always has Christ at the center, because Christ IS the center of everything.  But how we acknowledge this can change how we behave, and that in turn can help us grow in faith and maturity as believers in community and relationship and as good trees bringing forth good fruit.

Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks – may all of our hearts be abundant with love and grace as we speak, today and always.

Amen

Thoughts on Luke 7:31-34

Luke 7:31-34

New International Version (NIV)

³¹ Jesus went on to say, “To what, then, can I compare the people of this generation? What are they like? ³² They are like children sitting in the marketplace and calling out to each other:

“‘We played the pipe for you,
    and you did not dance;
we sang a dirge,
    and you did not cry.’

³³ For John the Baptist came neither eating bread nor drinking wine, and you say, ‘He has a demon.’ ³⁴ The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and you say, ‘Here is a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners.’

Have you seen "Shrek?"  Of course in my world this question is about the musical, not the movie -- but in both versions there is a great conversation between Shrek and Donkey.  Shrek is trying to explain to the rather one-dimensional Donkey what ogres are like, and he finally decides that ogres are like onions in that they have layers -- not like a cake, not like a parfait -- an onion. 

Like many passages and words of Jesus -- this one is like an onion.  And no, I don't really feel that it's a cake or a parfait. 

When I have a preaching assignment, I like to listen to and read what other people have said on the subject.  Type "John 3;16 sermon" into Google and you will get thousands of results.  Do the same for Luke 7:31-34 and there are seven.  SEVEN!  And four of those are from the 1800s.  No one seems to want to talk about this passage.  And I think I know why.  It calls us out.

Let's picture the marketplace of life for a moment.  

It is filled with color, distractions, people going on with their lives, goals, and problems.  There are things that people buy, things they reject.  Things that demand and deserve their attention.   Things that are real and important and legitimate.

When we have an agenda for the world -- desire as Christians that people should pay attention to us, come to us and cry when we play our sad songs and dance when we play our happy ones -- instead of going into the world and caring for real people, Jesus says we are "children" -- we value children in our culture but in the era of Jesus they were disease carriers and nuisances.  As insignificant to life then as cats yowling on the side of the road would be today.  Christians whine that the world is crumbling around them and build themselves up in self-righteousness and judgment of others.  And NO ONE CARES.  No one listens to the spoiled child throwing a tantrum in Wal-Mart.  And why should they?  They aren't contributing anything to the marketplace, to the development of the culture, to life.

Jesus refers in this passage to the differences between John the Baptist and himself.  John prepared everyone for a monster.  Prepare the way -- make the way straight for he is coming and he will rock the world -- but when the door opened, there was no monster.  There was a Lamb.

And the lamb didn't fight against his enemies.  He was a pacifist.  A celebrator. 

So what does that have to do with the idea of Jesus as our friend?  Lots. 

A writer I studied when I was a youth director warned that kids, especially teens, were very susceptible to the "you are what you eat" aspect of friendship.  He maintained that we become like those we hold close to our hearts.  Those we call our friends.  I still keep an eye on my kids' friends, just in the back of my mind.  Erin, for example, always wants to hang with Frankie Hartman, so I figure she's going to turn out okay!

Is the Jesus of the Gospels someone you would want your teenager to hang out with?  Is he someone you would claim as a friend yourself?  Would you go with him out drinking with the guys at the bar?  Fat, stinky, drunkards?  Or would you worry about what your church family would think if they saw you?  Would you go with him to take the hand of a prostitute?  Would you stand calmly while people picketed him and told him that God hates the people he loves? 

Jesus was not the friend anyone expected.  He still isn't.  John warns to make the paths straight -- because the one coming is going to knock everything flat anyway -- you'd better clear the way and FAST.  But there is no monster, no fighter, no warrior, no avenger.  Instead there is a peaceful man who is more concerned with how you treat other people -- including tax collectors and sinners -- than how you are treated. 

And that's scary but it's okay -- I read the end of the book and it all comes out fine...  but before that, there were and are consequences.  John came singing funeral songs, fasting, praying, warning.  He was mocked, ridiculed, raged at, and eventually beheaded.  Jesus came singing wedding songs; laughing, eating, drinking, enjoying life and loving everyone.  He was mocked, ridiculed, raged at, and eventually crucified.  And though he did this to save us from sin and death all he never guaranteed that he would save us from ourselves or from each other. 

It is time, as friends of Jesus, to live up to that friendship.  To grow up.  To embrace the idea of "we are what we eat" when it comes to friendship with Jesus.  He offers us true friendship along with true peace -- but it is (John14:27) but it's not the kind we expect.  He's not a monster on our side so we can whine and cry and be insignificant.  He IS significance.  We need to grow up as Christians and take the risk of saying "my Jesus is a friend not only to me but he is a friend to the radical Moslem... or the person shooting at the college... or the man with the sign making a fool of Christians everywhere... and we need to understand and accept the consequences.  Our friend is a lamb.  A man of peace and grace and love and commitment.  He calls us into depth, into sacrifice, into reality, into the risk of being significant in the world.  

We have a promise of security to take these risks -- our citizenship is in Heaven, we have a green card to work here. 

We have significance.  And overall I don't think we're failing.  We just look around and get stuck in despair.  How many of you think this country is worse, in worse shape now than it was a hundred years ago?

I disagree.  I don't think it's getting worse.

How many of you watched cowboy and Indian movies when you were a kid?  Where the Indians were the bad guys?  Can you even find one any more?  Nope.  Why not?  Because we figured out that Native Americans weren't savages.  And our whole idea about thinking that was funny or entertaining went away.  We can no longer root for the cowboys because we know what actually happened to the Indians.

How about for women?  Is it worse? Women couldn't vote in this country until 1920.  Women fought for the right to vote in this country for 78 years.  Think about that.  78 YEARS!  Most of the people who started the fight didn't live to see it won.  Do we think we'll ever go back in this country?  No.  Why?  Because of the law?  No.  Because we think differently about women.  Laws can go back and forth.  It's because we as a culture have changed our mindset about women.  We see women differently in 2014 than we did in 1814.  Or 1914.  The way to make a permanent change in behavior is to change attitudes, mindset, and vision. 

How about for people in America that aren't European descent?  Civil rights...  mind set change, not just for white people but for African Americans as well...

What if you're gay?  You have rights in this country today that you didn't have even last year or last month. We still have work to do as a culture in  this but you know what?  My teenagers have an entirely different mindset than teens in my generation.  It's a non issue for them.  That is cultural progress that can't be legislated.  

And our community of faith, the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America, has been a leader in all of these cultural shifts.  I don't like denominational barriers any more than I like cultural ones but I am extremely proud to be an ELCA Lutheran in America today.  Whether we are embracing women in the pulpit or marriage rights or going as a community to literally give our life's blood in honor of a sick little girl we love -- we as a community of faith are striving to be grownups.  Are you doing your part to keep up?  Are you embracing your significance or are you whining at the sidelines that people aren't paying attention to your irrelevance?  It's a tough question, isn't it?

We have other things to tackle in this world, lots of them.  We need changes in mindset toward poverty, toward environmental stewardship, toward health and sickness -- But I firmly believe that grown up Christians are going to be at the forefront of these cultural shifts as well -- and we're going to win because there is going to be no end to the increase of His government or His peace -- so if you get afraid and are tempted to go back to the ways of spiritual childhood you need to remember that you live in an unshakeable kingdom.   Mission possible. 

You don't have to preach the message.  You are the message.  You are the message to the friends of Jesus Christ.  

When you meet a stranger that you are introduced to by a friend as "my good friend..." does it change your behavior toward them?  Yes.  You treat that person in a way that protects and cultivates the relationship you have with your friend, don't you?  Saying "this is my friend" says that this person is valued.  Tells you to care for them.  Implies that the connection is such that if you harm them, you are harming me, and if you care for them, you are caring for me. 

It's not by might.  It's not by power, but it's by my spirit, the Lord says.  Amen.