Communicating from the H.E.A.R.T.

It’s easy to see when people aren’t good communicators, isn’t it? 

I see it every day – I see a person presenting things badly, not listening well, hurting people’s feelings with a careless word and not even knowing it, asking questions in a way that makes people feel attacked and defensive, setting off teenagers – sometimes even on purpose!, and generally not communicating how much I love the people I care most about, and it breaks my own heart as I do it.

When I preached on this subject at CLC, I asked if someone more qualified to preach on this topic wanted to come up and take my place -- there were no takers!  Disappointing...

 Well, accepting the irony of preaching on something I’m not very good at, at some levels all I had to do is look seriously at my failures and see what the opposite would be, and look to Jesus as a guide for real communication that is loving yet serious.

Today’s conversation is all about context.  Jesus’ communication with the Pharisees when he calls them a brood of vipers is in the moment – and it is important to say that this passage is to THEM and not necessarily to us.  Jesus is calling out people that are duplicit, trying to convict him, and will eventually have him killed.  I don’t think we usually fall into that category. 

However, what he says about the words we say speaking about our internal condition is extremely valid for all of us.  Not only in minding what comes out of our own mouths but understanding that what comes out of others’ can sometimes come from deep-seated hurt or brokenness that we know nothing about.  The take-away is that words are important.  They can wound, they can heal – and how we use our words with others is something that we can work on as a spiritual discipline in any stage of our lives.

It also needs to be said that everything I’m about to talk about is in a context of relationship – We’re not God, we do not have the ability to form deep relationships with every person we interact with.  That would be kind of creepy, wouldn’t it?  Friendliness, politeness, and compassion with the Starbucks cashier is important – but not transparency.  Full availability for an acquaintance we just met might be noble and something some people have a ministry for – but if it over commits us or fractures our committed family relationships then it is not a noble thing, it is a mistake. 

SO, all disclaimers finished now, let’s communicate about communicating from the HEART!

I love memory games, and this topic almost begged for one, so let’s use the letters in the word HEART to frame some thoughts –

H – be Honest
E – be Early
A – be Available
R – take a Risk
T – be Transcendant

So what do these mean to us as we try to bring Christ into our communication?

First, be honest – this is easy and straightforward, right?  Probably not.  Maybe, instead, it’s an idea filled with potholes and traps.

Honesty can be painful but important – maybe bringing up something difficult for the good of the other person or the relationship… “mom, I think you’re addicted to prescription pain-killers…”  “I’m your friend, you need to work on your marriage…” or “You need to stop partying and get your grades up.”

These are difficult things to be honest about – but come from the right heart-set.  At other times “honesty” is a smokescreen for intentional cruelty.  Unkindness is just that, not ennobled just because it may be true. 

But most importantly, from the standpoint of attempting Christ-centered communication, is honesty with self.  We need to ask, “am I honestly dealing with the person I am communicating with, or am I dealing with a problem of my own that I am projecting on them?” 

About 15 years ago (and we arrived here about 12 ago, so don’t even wonder…) Lim received a 3 page letter from a bell choir member who had turned up a few minutes late and was convinced from the not-unfriendly glance Lim gave her mid-song as she came in the door that he despised her, wanted her to quit bells, and a host of other feelings that she was projecting on to him using nothing but assumptions and psychic powers that she didn’t have.  Three pages! 

It seems an out-there case, admittedly – and I have to note that when Lim replied with little more than “I didn’t care that you were late,” all was well again – but how often do we make assumptions about how others are feeling about us or about a situation and address that assumption rather than honestly assessing the situation?

Honesty means willing to say hard truths and willing to admit hard truths about ourselves. 

Idea number 2  -- be EARLY. 

When communication needs to happen in any relationship, do it sooner rather than later.  Easy to say that this is important, and for me, incredibly difficult to execute.  My best failures at communicating have generally been instances where I felt something was wrong and I let it lie, hoping it would get better on its own – whether this has been from misplaced “nice-ness,” which plagues many Christians, or simply from an embarrassing lack of courage, letting things fester is never a good thing. 

Why?  Bad situations don’t tend to get better on their own, really, do they?  And when we feel taken advantage of or mistreated somehow it is important to speak up while you can do so calmly instead of in a festered, infected explosion. 

There is another side of this also, when things that need to be said are positive – “I love you,” “You are important to me,” “I forgive you.” 

Don’t force others to be psychic – say it.  Say it now.  We all have been around long enough to know that opportunities can tragically pass. 

Idea number 3 – be AVAILABLE. 

Don’t these all seem to be no-brainers that are difficult to execute?  The absolute fact that our relationships are more important than anything else in the world is somehow difficult to remember when I’m talking to my daughter and 4, no, wait, 5 text messages pop up on my phone. 

Take time to be present for people you are in relationship with.  Not on your phone.  Not watching TV.  Not making the other person feel that they are less of a priority.

Don’t mentally multitask or interrupt, even if you think you’ve figured out what they are saying.

Do you remember how riveting a person is when you first fall in love, or when you first are getting to know a new friend that you really really like?  How do you listen to that person?  It’s not difficult in those situations to be actively loving and listening.

It’s hard to listen as actively and as attentively when you are with someone you are used to – and much more difficult if it is someone you are in conflict with. 

But doesn’t it feel wonderful to be with someone who is interested in what you have to say?  What a gift we can give to people we love, even when they are being hard to love, to truly listen to them, value what they are thinking and feeling, and thereby show how much we value them.

Idea number 4 – take a RISK.

To truly communicate with people we are in relationship with, we need to be willing to take some heavy risks.  First is the risk of being transparent – revealing things to others is a dangerous business.  And I would quote Christ, though the context is different – “be wise as serpents, and innocent as doves…”

Revealing things about ourselves is important.  But we need to understand that those revelations can change a relationship.  Secrets burden and ultimately destroy us unless we can trust someone enough to bare our soul.  We risk ridicule, rejection, and even gossip and public problems when we are transparent and vulnerable in our relationships.  But it is worth the risk. 

What about the other side of the conversation, if something difficult needs to be said to another person?  We risk anger, recriminations, and defensiveness.  They may say things about us that are difficult to hear, they may be wrong things said to lash out – but they may be right.  We need to be willing to hear the hard things if we are willing to say them. 

When we communicate honestly we risk failure.  Perhaps if you ask someone to treat you differently they will refuse.  Perhaps the relationship will be forever changed or even dissolved.  These things happen in human relationships.  We are broken.

Which is why we desperately need to maintain an awareness of the last idea –

Be TRANSCENDANT.

There is always something bigger going on when we communicate in love.  God is relationship.  God cared so much about communicating with us that he took on human-ness to do it.  Jesus is the WORD of GOD!  The ultimate communication! 

When we communicate with another person, we are communicating not only with someone that Jesus loves desperately but also with Christ himself as he in-dwells other human beings.  How would our communication change if we maintained an awareness of this?

Would we be more willing to transcend the communication of the moment?  Would we be more willing to move on?  To forgive?  To let go of any hard things that were said and continue to love even those that are hard to love?  More willing even to fail and understand that sometimes relationships cannot be saved or salvaged regardless of our efforts, and that God is still God?

Communication always has Christ at the center, because Christ IS the center of everything.  But how we acknowledge this can change how we behave, and that in turn can help us grow in faith and maturity as believers in community and relationship and as good trees bringing forth good fruit.

Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks – may all of our hearts be abundant with love and grace as we speak, today and always.

Amen

Getting Dragged... thoughts on John 7

I can relate. There are so many times I can look back on where Jesus has dragged me through a period of growth that I just didn’t want to go through. That is the price of following a living God.


To me, that’s part of what John 7 is about. Jesus emphasizes that his blood and flesh that he wants us to consume are living bread and living water.





My three kids are way past kindergarten these days, but one of the most important science baselines in the homeschool kindergarten year was "living versus nonliving."


The most important concept to take away from this unit were that living things differ from non-living in three essential ways. First, living things change. Second, living things can move and grow. Third, living things make more of the same – they reproduce.






Following Christ, consuming his living bread and water, means these same things for us. Christ brings change in us – both dramatic and subtle. He causes us to move and grow – even if we feel dragged sometimes – and when we follow him with our whole heart and mind and soul and strength others cannot help but meet him through us – we reproduce by making other disciples.






The desire to change seems built into human beings – we want to learn, to improve ourselves and our circumstances. But the change brought by Christ is something entirely different.


Psalm 80 cries out our desire for this different level of change. “3Restore us, O God; make your face shine upon us, that we may be saved.”


Dietrich Hildebrand, in his book Transformation in Christ, wrote: “All true Christian life must begin with a deep yearning to become a new man in Christ, and an inner readiness to “put off the old man” – a readiness to become something fundamentally different.”


The call to change in the New Testament is about that yearning -- Christ tells Nicodemus that he must be “born again” – Christ is more than a Redeemer who removes our bonds and cleanses us from sin – he is the dispenser of a new divine life which will wholly transform us and turn us into new people.


Paul echoes this in Eph 4:22-24 22You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.






Living bread, living water, causes an immediate change. But what about moving and growing? Spiritual growth is increasing conformity to the character of God as revealed in Christ. Bill Johnson, in his book “Face to Face with God,” says this: “To behold him and remain unchanged is impossible. The question for every believer is whether we’ll be satisfied with a partial transformation or whether we’ll be so captivated by who he is that we will allow him to remove everything in us that would inhibit us from becoming a mature manifestation of Christ.” (Col 3.1) We have been raised with Christ, so we set our hearts on things above.






God's desire is for our growth as a people of God. Ephesian 4 tells us the purpose of spiritual gifts. 12to prepare God’s people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up 13until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.


This growth is in our best interest – the things that will make us the most satisfied, the happiest, most joyful people come from this growth: Galatians 5: “22But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness and self-control.” Imagine a life given over to these attributes!


Growth in Christ is not just a suggestion to believers –(2 Peter 3:18) we are actually commanded, “grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.” And Paul admonishes the church at Philippi and us with it to “continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling.” Not growing is actually resisting God: “he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Phil 1:6)


So how is this brought about? Yes we have confidence that He who began a good work in us will be faithful to complete it – but we have the joy and privilege of being actively involved in this transformation. How do we become involved?


Mainly, through active and intentional exposure to the person of Christ. Paul says in 2 Cor 3, “12Therefore, since we have such a hope, we are very bold. 13We are not like Moses, who would put a veil over his face to keep the Israelites from gazing at it while the radiance was fading away. …17Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. 18And we, who with unveiled faces all reflecta the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.”


We can be bold to seek Christ, seek fellowship and friendship with him. We are free to see his glory, reflect his glory, and be transformed simply by being in his presence! We’re here doing exactly that this morning, but we don’t have to stop here. We can meet him any time, in moments of personal worship and gratitude. We can live in awareness of his presence, and if we set our minds to it, we are given constant reminders: in nature, where “1The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. 2Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge.” (psalm 19) And in other believers: “you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.” I have stories of believers being Christ to me that could fill many many sermons – I’m sure many of you do, also.


Part of intentionally coming into the presence of Christ is also through study. How we do this is very personal. I consume books, reading the Bible and books about God gets me all excited and I do so fairly quickly – but that’s part of who I am. If that doesn’t come easily to you, are you still able to use study to enter into the presence of Christ? Of course. It doesn’t matter if God speaks to you through an entire book or through a single verse, it is the intentionality of setting our minds on Christ that matters. Find the way or ways that speak to your mind and ultimately into your heart.


The third and possibly most obvious way to encounter Christ is through prayer. Paul encourages us to “pray without ceasing” – a constant dialogue. Those of us who grew in our faith in denominational churches are very familiar with formal prayer – but informal, personal conversation with time left for listening is a way to invite Christ into your moment-to-moment life.


Where are your growth areas? How is Jesus working in you to transform them? I know people for whom this transformation is combining with a sweet, yielding disposition to day by day mold them gracefully into the image of Christ. It’s beautiful to see.


My youngest daughter has this kind of spirit – she always has. You know the toddler love for the word “no?” My son loved it so much that he had one “no” that meant “no” and another “no” that actually meant “yes!” Erin, on the other hand, I always called my “yes” girl – because even at that age she would respond with an enthusiastic “yes!”


As she is growing into faith she has an uncanny ability to say “yes” to God – especially in prayers that seem over-bold. It is not unusual on a Sunday morning to see her at an unexpected place in the sanctuary, praying for healing over someone who hasn’t asked for it nor told her what their problems are. But she says “yes” to God.


I relate more to my son's multiple "no"s when God talks to me about my personal growth places… remember those grooves in the sand? I have nice long ones. Probably not very even since I do some kicking along the way, too. But he who started the work in me is very patient to finish it, and after every piece of painful pruning I find myself more dependent on him and less interested in the world or my own self-dependence, and hopefully looking just a little more like him.


We are all on a journey. And the beautiful thing about this growth in Christ is that though we are more and more optimistic with a love that “…believes all things and hopes all things” (1 Cor 13:7), we are also very real about what we face in this life.






Jesus on Earth was very real. When he had presented this hard teaching about following a living savior, many left him, but others had a living faith that would satisfy the third kindergarten definition: they would make others.


“You do not want to leave too, do you?” Jesus asked the Twelve. Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We believe and know that you are the Holy One of God.”


I love Peter’s response. It resounds with our hearts. First, he says, in effect, "Lord, we have been thinking about it. We have investigated the alternatives. You're not easy to live with. You embarrass us. You frighten us. We don't understand you at times. We see and hear you do things that simply blow our minds. You offend people whom we think are important. We have looked at some alternatives, but I want to tell you this, Lord: we have never found anyone who can do what you can do. 'To whom shall we go?' You have two things that hold us, two things we cannot deny. There are your words. What you say to us has met our deepest need, has delivered us from our sins and freed us from our fears. Your words, Lord, are the most remarkable words we have ever heard. They explain us and they explain life to us. They satisfy us. Nobody speaks like you do, nobody understands life like you do.


That holds us, and makes us hold on. Even when we're being dragged.

Take Words With You -- Devotion on Hosea 14

Words are important to me...
I love words and language.  I love the taste of certain words; the subtext, the implications of one word choice over another.  I get excited over explaining an idea in a new way, and in music the first thing that catches me or touches my heart is the lyric.

This moment in the book of Hosea captured my imagination the first time I read it:  "Take words with you and return to the Lord..." (14:2)

Words are an intense connection to God.  God loves words too!!  He spoke the world into being... and another name for Jesus Christ is "The Word of God."  Our words can be Christ spoken through us -- and when we "take words with us" and approach God, we are taking Christ with us in our approach, with all the love and grace implied in that!

What if we considered that every one of our words either returned to God or departed from God?  How would that change the words we choose?  If we deeply understand the power of our words to harm or to heal, does that change the choices we make with them?  

Take words with you... today and every day I pray that I can return to God with my words.   
 

Hosea 2:21-23 -- Merry Christmas

21“In that day I will respond,”

declares the Lord—

“I will respond to the skies,

and they will respond to the earth;

22and the earth will respond to the grain,

the new wine and the olive oil,

and they will respond to Jezreel.

23I will plant her for myself in the land;

I will show my love to the one I called ‘Not my loved one.’

I will say to those called ‘Not my people,’ ‘You are my people’;

and they will say, ‘You are my God.’ ”

Grace.  He loves the unloveable.  He claims the unclaimable.

Immanuel... God with us...

Merry Christmas

Worship Without Boundaries

One of the places on my personal bucket list is Yellowstone National Park.  Did you know that Yellowstone National Park is the first and oldest national park in the world. It can be seen from space! The park is in three states and covers 3,400 square miles (2.2 million acres). It’s known for incredible beauty and amazing geological features such as Old Faithful geyser. But my friends that have been there often tell me that the landscape now is entirely different now than it was in 1988.   That year, a forest fire larger than any in history swept through… it destroyed everything.  It consumed trees that were designed to survive fires.  It was a consuming fire. 

The book of Hebrews tells us that our GOD is a consuming fire, and says that that quality is what should define our worship:   “Let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our “God is a consuming fire.”

I'm deeply concerned about what worship is for worship leaders, but that makes me think about worship in general, too.  It isn’t about us, but different aspects of worship appeal naturally to different kinds of people.  We need to listen for God’s voice as we worship and let him convict us and challenge us. But what does it mean to truly enter into worship as a community without boundaries. 

I think that beyond all else, worship is community agreeing together to love Jesus… to fall in love with him, even. 

Remember falling in love?  Head-over-heels, desperately desiring to be near that person?  It’s a little like that consuming fire, isn’t it?

Falling in love changes our focus – we are no longer concerned with ourselves focused only on our beloved – and our incredible joy and gratitude that he or she loves us also…

Worship is a celebration of this kind of love, a joyful focus on loving the God that first loved us.  Worship is not about music, or the sermon, or standing up and sitting down at the right times, or boredom or banners – it’s about something so much bigger we can’t wrap our brains around it.  We are a manifestation of the entire people of God worshipping right now before the throne – when we begin to perceive this, there are a thousand reasons to rejoice, to praise, to sing – and to renounce flippancy, selfishness, superficiality, and going-through-the-motions.  We rejoice because we are beloved, and we respond in love. 

Before the God who is a consuming fire, we don’t go through the motions and think about the next thing when we get this over with and go home.  We don’t demand our artistic preferences.  We don’t just gather with our friends.  We don’t just sing together.  We enter into the presence of God.  The holy of holies.  THIS is the nature of the church, the reality.  And when we start singing we join in a glorious worship that takes place unceasingly before the throne of God.  This is incredible!!  Imagine it!!

When King David danced in front of the Ark it was not a public display – it was a simple response to the greatness of God and what God had done in David’s life.  David was consumed with awe and JOY and because his focus was on God, he had total peace with his worship—even when it made his wife uncomfortable – if you’re up on your feet it shouldn’t be because you want to impress the person next to you and if you’re sitting in your seat it shouldn’t be because that’s how you were raised and that’s what’s expected…  Worship isn’t like that, it’s entire focus is off of self and off of others and instead on God. 

The priorities of worship are even shown in the Hebrew and Greek words that are translated as “worship.”  It comes from three word groups:  First “bowing down,”  This stresses submission.  Bowing down before God is making a conscious statement to God that he is in control of all things that relate to my life.  Second, “Service, or Obedience”  Now that I’ve submitted, I’m responsible to fulfill the wishes of the one I worship.  Romans 12:1 “Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God--this is your spiritual act of worship.”  Our daily living should be a sacrifice – true worship is a lifestyle, not a moment.   

 All of life reflects our worship of God.  Third, “Remember.”  There are amazing promises for people in worship.  We eagerly look forward to what has already been accomplished.  We need to daily, hourly, moment-by-moment remember our covenant with God and what Christ has done for us.

Once we are looking at worship with these internal mindsets, it no longer has boundaries of time or geography.  It connects us to worship in a community that we experience through the indwelling of the Holy Spirit in each of us.  The spirit unites believers into a single people, a family of brothers and sisters in Christ.  At one level members of a church function as a community – but at a higher level the spirit connects all believers, both as individuals and small communities, to others everywhere.  Through the spirit there are not only no geographical boundaries but also a bond between saints that have been divided from our community by death and those that are still living on Earth.

Worship is ongoing and eternal; our highest calling, the reason for our existence.  We were created to honor and glorify God!  And one of the beautiful things about a community of believers such as this one is that it is a visible manifestation of the entire people of God for all time.  We are part of the residents of Heaven who are worshipping before the throne of God right now.    This doesn't start at an hour of the clock – We need to lose the beginning and end to worship mindset and remember that this is only the time that we agree as a community to join the saints in Heaven together and celebrate all the unique ways that we worship our God.  This is the time we set aside to participate in the ongoing and eternal party. 

Make no mistake, that word “participation” is an important one.  I don’t believe that God wants us to be a wallflower or a voyeur or especially someone who is going through the motions.  We need to be careful here.  We need to approach with awe and respect.  Do we? 

Is God interested in us showing up to look at worship?  I don’t think so.  When we gather to enjoy musicians serenading us, or to watch cleverly done videos or to be entertained by a public speaker and then refer to this passive, non-participatory experience as “worship,” a shift has occurred, something vital has been lost.  

We’re more used to being voyeuristic than truly participatory, of course… Think of “American Idol” or “So You Think You Can Dance.” 

You don’t learn to dance or sing by watching these programs any more than you learn to worship by watching.  You are not a singer or a dancer if you watch them, even if you’re invited to vote – and that’s like deciding who your favorite singer on the worship team or in the choir is!

Now just in case you’re looking at your neighbor just now instead of at yourself, remember there is no way to tell on the outside if someone is worshipping authentically or has their heart focused somewhere other than on God. 

Someone who seems entirely uninvolved in worship may have an inner heart-set that is beautiful to the king, and someone that seems on the opposite pole and is dancing and singing with arms raised may be joyfully and exuberantly glorifying God or only putting on a display. 

This is not about style of worship – but it is about our hearts, and we know our hearts, and we can see the fruit that comes out of them.

In the book of Revelation, we see John’s vision of worship in Heaven – there are 24 elders who lay their crowns down at feet of Jesus.  To me, one of the most beautiful things about this moment is that they and the other living creatures that worship before the throne are all different and unique, yet they are a community of worshippers.  We celebrate our individual uniqueness when we worship together as the body of Christ.  When our focus is on loving Jesus, our differences fall away as unimportant.   

But what about when we walk out of this place?  Go home and eat lunch, watch football, go to work?

The worship continues in Heaven and it can continue in this community as well.  When our lives are an act of worship it transcends these walls and enters into anything and everything we do.  Nothing is trivial because the God who created us is not trivial. 

Psalm 86:12 says

“I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever.”

We cannot truly worship in part, or only for an hour on Sunday morning.  As the psalmist writes, joyful praise is with our whole heart.  It consumes our lives.  Does that sound hard?  I ask you again, remember falling in love?  How hard is it to think about them?  More like, how incredibly hard is it NOT to?  And the more time we spend with Jesus, the more we will fall in love.  

We don’t worship alone.  We don’t even worship bound by these walls or bound by time.  We don’t worship based on our present circumstances and we don’t worship based on what we can see with our eyes.  But what I find most exciting about true worship without boundaries and what it all means is that we are worshipping as part of a kingdom that is happening now yet is part of our future.  We rejoice in what has already been accomplished even as we are part of how it is all working out. 

We have a promise of worship at the end of history from the book of Revelation: 

Rev. 21:26  I did not see a temple in the city, because the Lord God Almighty and the Lamb are its temple. The city does not need the sun or the moon to shine on it, for the glory of God gives it light, and the Lamb is its lamp. The nations will walk by its light, and the kings of the earth will bring their splendor into it. On no day will its gates ever be shut, for there will be no night there. The glory and honor of the nations will be brought into it.

What we do as a people of God anticipates the future unity of God’s people in the age to come.  To worship together is to radically claim a future in which unity is evidence of Jesus’ rule in all of us and God’s promises through him.   

John 17:21-23 “…that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.”